What I Learned From Cartoons
By Heather Autumn Love
When you walk off the edge of a cliff, never look down.
Fear not guns or dynamite.
If bombed, simply pull your nose and mouth
back to the front of your face.
What you truly have to fear are anvils dropped from the sky.
They can strike at any time.
Pants are not required,
but men should wear a shirt.
When suffering from depression,
always carry a banjo
(or else you will only be visited
by bears obsessed with honey).
While hunting a mouse,
a cat can devise elaborate means of murder.
None will succeed.
Mice move fastest when wearing a sombrero.
If you are searching for meaning in your life,
find something to chase.
You may choose a beeping desert bird,
a bear picnicking with his miniature friend,
or a sarcastic rabbit ever chomping on a carrot.
Your quest will fill every moment of your day.
But when your feet are inevitably met by empty air,
keep your head locked forward.
Resist the urge to cast your eyes to the ground,
for that is when you’ll fall.